A few weeks
ago, I posted a comment on the shifts occurring and really tried to help us all
to know that we are not alone and to remember to take deep breaths. Well, last week was even more difficult for
me. I couldn’t figure out what was going
on. Why was I in such FEAR! I was having a hard time keeping it
together. You see I am in the process of starting my own
business and was let go before I was ready.
Meaning no income!
Yet rent is
paid, all of my bills are up to date and really, I can only live one day at a
time. Right! Isn't that what we know and tell each
other? Even though I could tell myself
till I was blue in the face, everything is going to be all right and many
others told me as well, I just could not shake this feeling. I knew I needed to get out in nature for a
few days and trusted that would take care of my fears, I would be good
again.
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| View from the road to our campsite. |
The weirdest
thing happened. As I was driving to the campsite along a very windy, steep
cliff road, I kept getting this ominous feeling. One bit of loose gravel and I could go off
the edge. Who was the person in this
body that was in all of this fear! It
could not be me! I even had an image pass
through my head of me swerving to miss a car and going over the cliff. At this point I had to stop! Not driving but thinking like this. I was driving alone following a friend and I
simply started speaking out loud. I said,
“I have too much left to do and I am not ready to die so get those thoughts out
of here. Angels I know you are always
with me and I do not call on you for help, but I need your help! I am dealing with fear and anxiety and I do
not understand it. Please help me to
understand it and to know that I am safe.”
I remembered
I had some Rescue Remedy in my purse and popped a lozenge in my mouth. I was feeling better. We arrived at the campsite. Only 80 miles from home and I was in a
different world. It was damp and cool
and we were surrounded by tall Pine trees and all kinds of wild animals. The squirrels were in the trees and on the
ground gathering fresh pine cones for the winter. We were gifted with the bugling of the Elk
one night and many many birds.
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| My campsite. |
The first
morning I awoke to all of the sounds and coolness of the north woods, only I
was in the mountains of Arizona. While
sipping my coffee a squirrel circled my entire camp, stopping two times and
staring at me. One of those times we
just looked at each other. It was
amazing. I knew squirrel medicine was
about gathering so, it felt like she was reminding me to plan for the future,
but to be light and just do what is in front of me to do, not to stress. I then pulled out my Medicine Card Book, by Jaime Sams and David Carson, to see what else there was. I would like to share the entire last
paragraph as it was so perfect for me at that moment and may help you. “Squirrel
has another lesson which can aid you if you observe what is obvious, and which
can prepare you for anything. It has to
do with the safe place in which to put your gatherings. This safe place is an untroubled heart and mind,
and that which is gathered to put in this place is wisdom and caring. The energies gathered will set your mind and
heart free, so that you will know that all will be taken care of in its own
time. Apply this to your fears and they
will vanish.”
Wow, did
that fit where I was at. I had a
wonderfully relaxing camping trip, not all of my fear disappeared, but I came
home with renewed energy that everything will be alright.
My story is
not quite done. We have a Medicine Wheel
in the backyard and after I got home my cat was bugging and bugging me to go out
back with her. She sniffed around and than lay down under the fire pit. I
walked over to the Medicine Wheel and began circling it, stopping to create
sacred space and go into meditation. It
finally became clear. While I was in the
mountains all of the cards I picked were very apropos. One was the Bat, Death and Rebirth. Yeah, I knew that. But it was not until I was in the meditation
that it became so clear. I am
giving birth! It’s not about the dying
to the old, which I kept thinking it was.
It’s about birthing a new business and all of the pains and anxiety you
go through during birth.
The old Me
is already gone! But I was holding on! I
am not an “employee” anymore! I am in
service to humanity. This is what I
wanted, it just looks different and I needed to experience both the releasing (death)
and the re-birthing. I guess I was more used to releasing and letting go as I kept feeling the death stalking me. The reality was I had already died to being an employee, I just had not yet allowed myself to become a small business owner. But I am. Whereever you are in your process, know that it may feel like a roller coaster at times. When it does put your hands in the air and scream and laugh and enjoy the ride.
We hope to launch
the new website this week, which means launching the entire
business. Wow that is exciting. Last time I talked about the difference
between fear and excitement. Breathe
into it and see what comes up next.
Ahhhhhhh all is in perfect divine order. If it is difficult I do recommend trying Rescue Remedy to get you through those tough moments. You can find it at your health food store.
In
Gratitude,
Linda G
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| The trip down from the rim was joyful and beautiful. |
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